I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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