I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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