I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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