So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What drink are we having for lunch?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
