True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
