omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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