Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
