Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize