those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
