): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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