they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I still have a little drunk in my system
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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