so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
