you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
