i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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