If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
