And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
