If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
