I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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