just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
