i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
