Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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