I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
