Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
