walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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