I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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