Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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