Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
