My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
