can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize