i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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