are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
