come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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