My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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