I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
