Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
