weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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