This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
