I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
