need another drink. this is the easiest way
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The power of my boobs compel you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
