I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
