Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
