Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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