Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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