I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
