im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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