I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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