On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
