I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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