we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
