Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
