I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
