I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
