she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
