Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
