If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
