I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize