i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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