Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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