i would punch a child for taco bell
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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