we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
