Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
