call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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