at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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