after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
