What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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