I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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