i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
