i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
