HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
