So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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