this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Houston, we have a blender
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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