my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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