the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize