Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
