So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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