You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
