"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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