Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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