U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
