im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
