I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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