I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
