you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize