big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
