No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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