how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize