Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
