I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
