I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
