There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize